Yeah, I know I need to move on, but heres the lame part. He is all I know. It sucks when you invest that much time into a person, only to have it explode into...well, whatever the hell you want to call it. I mean, I can date other guys, its just that hes always gonna be that benchmark (on attractiveness, positivity, good nature, etc). Other guys have actually thrown themselves at me, but it takes time to move on. Like I said, this all happened recently. Last month to be exact. When I was able to finally talk to him (through speakerphone so his "master" could hear), I had to swallow my pride and tell him that "I was wrong" for not being supportive his "love".
Being the bigger man sucks sometimes, but I really dont want to burn that bridge yet. I havent told him the extent of how I feel yet, but he knows Im feeling pretty shattered right now. I'm really thinking of sending him what I wrote here (and of course Ill give you guys the results). Though Im positive, if I do, that london bridge will fucking obliterate into a trillion pieces... And his perverted old guy wont like it too much either.
I gave him chances, and he gave me chances too. We were both fuck ups. He really did have qualities worth trying to salvage, and I stuck with him through those rough patches. Its hard because now I know what hes capable of. I feel abandoned, betrayed, and lied too. And if he pulls this stunt once, its gonna happen again. I really dont want to go through this pain again. I was so depressed that I couldnt eat for a week, as all food made me nauseous. I had to drink 2 protien shakes a day with vitamins to stay nourished, and even that was hard to keep down. I lost about 5 lbs in one week from doing that though. Nothing stimulated me anymore and I couldnt enjoyment in anything. Hell, I started popping lots of vicoden to get some mellow myself out from the soul crushing pain.
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