>>3749375Maybe you actually want to die now, lots of people do.
You can
choose on whose terms to live by, and if you want to exclude God from that choice, you can temporarily do that - you can choose to live
not according to those who want to abuse you and have harm come to you.
You know that what you're doing is self-harm, it's impossible to be "happy" in harming oneself - all this harm does is for a moment
distract from the outside-inflicted harm that you had no control over in the past, but then only weakens you further overall.
You're not happy.
You're miserable. If you must exclude "God", then at least own up to the fact that self-harm or any kind of harm (including harming others) is no way to becoming happy. Once you've done that, you'll be able to start noticing other possibilities that'll do you and others good.
I won't "deal" - I'll do my best to be your nagging doggie-conscience until you move away from harming yourself and start healing.
Oh, and here's God again…
deal :3
John 10:7-137 Then said Jesus unto them again, Verily, verily, I say unto you, I am the door of the sheep.
8 All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers: but the sheep did not hear them.
9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.
10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.
12 But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep.
13 The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep.
